When grita awoke the next morning i kissed her precious head. ''wheres the baby'' she said as she looked over at me and jumped off the bed. ''shhhh he's alright my love, he's in the nursery, asleep'' i said as i sat in the chair beside her. ''grita tell me all of your secrets and i shall tell you mine my love, i want you to give me all your pain grita so that way you wont be haunted by it''. grita took his hand and placed it to her heart and said ''will you tell me yours too''. ''i shall my angel''. grita closed her eyes as she began. *1913 Durango, Mexico. The Medina Villiage. Grita looked out the window she was 7, and could smell the rain she knew it was comming. she ran out on the porch, she wind was getting heavier. ''mama, papa, the rain is comming we have to move''. she said as the ushered her inside and said ''we cant leave, we have to stay and try to save everything''. he dad said as he looked out the window and saw the heavy rain clouds. then her mom said ''well we have to head for higher ground the water is gonna come through and we dont have any floors''. she said as grita looked at their pitiful little house with out a proper floor. instead the floor was the ground below, all brown and sandy she knew the moment the water came the floor and house would be gone. then it happened she heard the thunder roaring a few times first, then the quiet rustle of the trees, then down came the rain. for the first hour the water was small and still at the bottom of her feet, then it started pouring and the water began rising faster. grita could hardly move her small body through the house to get the dogs and baby who were on top of the dresser huddling in the corner. ''come on baja''. she said as she took them under her arms as the hole back of the house was ripped off as the current of water became heavier. her father was in the door way waiting for her as the tide now carried her away. she screamed as she held on to the dog and baby. finally when she reached the tree she managed to climb in and hold on as the rest of the family floated out in a homemade boat. ''ven Grita''. her dad said as he put her and the baby and the small dog on the boat. they floated to the shallow part of the river then climbed out and all headed for the bus, that was taking patrons to the railroad station. but when they arrived the water had wiped out the rail and people were rioting in the streets. ''GRITA'' her mom called as she ran toward her mother, her mother took her hand as they headed for the mountains, and there they watched til nightfall, all the houses and destruction being caused by this horrible flood. they were so poor and desolate they all swam across the rio grande into san antonio texas, america. ''Come on'' her dad whispered as they crawled under then fence on the border. ''shh be quiet''. he said as they all crawled in the darkness to a deserted shack on the very outskirts of town. there was no electricity in the house, or any running water, we lived their for about a month until my dad made enough money to get the water turned on. still with no electricity we cooked outside over and open fire, and whatever ran across the front door we had for supper. i had gotten cholera from the water so i had been sick for the most of that month. then i remember 1 day in the second month of being in san antonio my dad, came home and told us of a meeting with a very nice laywer who was going to help us aply for citizenship so we wouldnt be deported back to durango, my dad invited this man to dinner one night. even though there still was no electricity, we had a grand feast, and to tell you the truth i dont even know how we had all the food to begin with, i just know it was a royal feast but i didnt eat that much, because i was still sick. when the man came into the house he was dressed to the 9's and looked like royality to me. ''hello miss, iam Jason Monaghan'' he said to my mom as she shook his hand and had a brimming smile on her face. then he looked down at me with a sly grin on his face and said ''hello my dear what is your name''. he gave me a weird feeling as she kept staring at me all night long. when he left he was talking to my father as they walked to the car. i remember having a terrible feeling about this man in my heart. well things were ok for a little while we got electricity 2 weeks after that, and slowly got furniture from the junkyard and so on, my mom started taking in laundry and i didnt and couldnt attend school, we couldnt afford it and i had to help my mom with the house hold chores. While all this was happening to young grita, In New York Rudy had just stepped off the ship, and was excited to smell the fresh american air. this was his first time in america, and we was excited at the prospects that awaited him. he barely new any english, and stammered terribly as he tried to find his way around the city. he finally made it to new york city, after walking for about 5 hours with nothing but a large rucksack and his map. he found the apartment complex he was looking for and checked in, it was small and dingy but he was happy to be in new york. but sadly his happiness was short lived. he had a hard time finding work and could no longer pay for his partment, so he was evicted and was on the streets, sleeping on the bench in central park he decided he would become a gardener and do yardwork to save some money, as he was completely miserable. he found steady and stable work, doing gardening, then one day when he met the owner of the estates wife, she quickly took a fancy too him, and they began a torrid year long affair, she taught him to to speak and write english, and etiquete, manners, and how to act in polite society. on weekends when he wasnt being kept he would dance and max's in the city, his dancing partner mae murray was really sweet and nice. she helped him out alot but he was really upset when she went to hollywood. the realtionship with the lady who *kept* him was wanning and he was scared when she shot her husband, he called off their realtionship and continued working as a gardener and dancer on weekends. Mean while grita was fairing much better the winter in texas was harsh, the maise didnt grow and they had no crops which meant they had to pick grapes to make wine in wine country. so her dad went off for a few weeks then when he returned he brought back a lots of small trinkets and things for her mom and her, but money was scarce, and they starved for 2 months. i took ill again with influenza and had to be hospitalized in san antonio state hospital, a sanitorium, i hated it there. i was by myself and my mom and dad hardly ever visited. i spent 6 months in the hospital, fighting off influenza and tb, that i had gotten during the flood, once i had recovered and was allowed to go back home, my immune system was weakend. i had to walk home all by myself as my mom and dad were busy with taking in laundry and my dads carperntry work. the farm was going to hell in a hand basket faster then anything grita had witnessed before, and worse still her father had made a good friend in jason monaghan and trusted him even though he was taking advantage of my father and driving potential clients away. ill never forget the events that followed that day as i remember it in my mind. jason informed my father that he was going back to Thornton Louisanna, and wanted to take me with him, he promised my mother and father he would take good care of me, and give me a nice home and proper schooling and even promised finishing school, and said he would give them a certain amount of money for their trouble. he gave my mom and dad a week to think about it, and seeing no other way and no means to and end they sold me to him. for $3,000. ''Grita, come here i want to talk to you''. my mom said the night before as she took me for a walk into the woods, near the back of our pitiful shack. ''Grita, you know jason monaghan right, well he's is going back to louisanna and he's asked to take you with him, now i wouldnt just let you my precious little girl go with anyone''. she said as i looked into her eyes, and could see her tears start to form as she said ''well your farther and i see no other way and think you will be safe and happy with him and his wife, in thornton so tommorow when he arrives you will go with him''. her words cut me so deeply as i began to cry and flail. ''no mama i dont want to go with him, i dont like him momma please''. i said as i took her hands and said ''don't you love me''. ''grita get up off the floor''. she said harshly as she grabbed her hard by the forarm and said ''your not a baby anymore and we simply cannot take care of you anymore, you have a chance grita, and real chance of becomming something, someone, a lady please dont throw it away, if you go with him i'll bhe guarenteed you will succeed''. she dragged me back to the house and threw me into my room where i cried all night, i didnt want to go and i wanted to stay we had been through so much as it were i wasnt afraid. the next morning my dad came into my room at 7 in the morning he woke me up and we had a little talk, he told me about the facts of life and too watch out for men and booze, then he told me to get dressed i was to leave in 30 minutes. i dressed in my polo shirt and khakis * i was a tomboy even then* and i put my long hair in a pony tail, then my mom came in and made me change into my skirt and black blouse and she helped me put mexican ribbions in my hair. then she took me by the hand and lead me down the stairs of the porch. ''mommy, please''. i started screaming as i saw jason standing in front of his orchid coloured buick. ''Grita''. my father said as he pulled me away from my mother. ''grita its going to be alright, go on now go, and write us as often as you can''. he hugged me and kissed my cheeck as he dragged me forward and put me in jason's car. i didnt speak as we drove to the train station, the train ride was 5 days long, i was exhausted from the ride and heat, and when i arrived at his creepy house in louisanna, i met his beyond weird looking wife, who was young and from sweeden, she look a little like nazimova, in the movies i had snuck into at the cinema. her name was helga, and she hardly spoke english. ''so this is zee girl''. she said as she looked down at me. she smiled and blew smoke in my face as she roughly grabbed me by the hand and took me inside, ''she'll be perfect for jackson, she looks just like that doll he brought back from mezico''. she said as i looked up at her, her blonde hair was not done very well for it being bottle fed, she had dark roots, ruby red lipstick and nailvarnish to match. her face looked like smothing i had never seen before. Jason how ever was a much more handsomer man, if it wasnt for his evil and terrible lifestyle he could have been quite dashing. all was alright for the first few weeks, i had really nice clothes and went to school. but what i didnt know was that jason and helga and there cronies were all well known notorius pedophiles, and kid lovers a devestating fact i would come to know harshly. jason and helga threw a huge *welcome* party for me and a few other girls they had aquired. jason showed me and another girl to a tall man, that was sitting in the corner smoking a corona. ''i like her jason''. he said pointing to me as he rose to his feet and took my hand. he took me into a room i had never seen before, ''come here girl''. he said as i hesitated. he grabbed me hard and pulled me to him, he unbuckled his belt and took out his throbbing cock. he went forward and shoved it in my mouth as he began his terrible torture. i screamed and flialed loudly as he threw my around the room. the next morning i was so sick and could hardly move, as i was so sore. i cried for days and days, i wished i was at home in our run down shack on the outskirts of town anyday. the abuse continued well into my teens, and as i matured and developed quickly i was being advertized at their best client, i brought in lots of money for him and his equally perverted wife, who took turns with me too. on april 20,1919 he took me to california. ''you bitch, i cant believe you say no to me''. he said as he punched me again and threw me into the bathtub. ''i am sorry master, i dont feel very well, and i think those pills are making me sick''. i cried as he turned on the hot water. ''stay in there''. he said as he went back into the hotel room, he grabbed several more pill bottles, and said ''here take a few of all of these and the get ready for tonight''. he said as he pulled me out of the tub and threw me into the bed and handed me the glass of water as he shoved the pills in my mouth. he was doing this because the night before, while Rudolph Valentino and new hollywood star was on his honeymoon with his wife, who i was sure i had seen somwhere before but couldnt place her. jason was introducing me to several men, in his *area* of work they all smiled at me and shook my hands and were all intrested, even Valentino looked at me, a first times and when jason caught sight of this he grabbed me roughly by the arm and lead me to the back of the party to where several men were huddled in a circle talking. one of these men took me back to their room and just completely went crazy, he was beating my bloody with his belt and pulling my hair, and dropkicking me, then raped me when all was said and done, tattered and bloody i staggered back to our room where jason went crazy, he was screaming in my face as i was trying to get out of my bloody dress. i fell to the floor several times as he hit me so hard, which brings us back to the currents april 20th. after he shoved the pils in my mouth and made me swallow all of them he slapped he mard in the face and said ''get ready alan wants you tonight, and he is will to pay a lot of money for a week with you so i want you ready by the time i get back''. he said as he slammed the door leaving me crying, i was wearing a pink nightgown that was now covered in bllod, i went to the bathroom for the rest of the pills as i cried. i could her the couple, Valentino and acker i thought to myself they were having a vicious row. ''OPEN THE DOOR JEAN'' i heard him shout as he rapped loudly on the door. ''oh god''. i said as my head was pounding, i stumbled to the bed and fell forward i passed out and was out for a few hours. everything was fairly quiet, i didnt here the couple down below shouting and bickering anymore, and my head and body were still aching as i heard jasons voice, he was approaching fast. i hesitated for a moment i wanted to die, i figured i had a pretty good chance of dying if i jumped out of the window. she listened carefully for a moment as jason's voice came closer and closer, she had one foot out of the window as she took off her bloody nightgown, she grabbed her silk robe from the chair as she scooted out the window the was a tree in the way, as she put the other leg out and fell to the ground and breaking several tree branches as she went down. As Rudy was sitting on the patio, smoking and reading the paper after he had just whispered to god for an angel, she fell from the sky and landed right infront of him on the ground. there was blood everywhere on her face and hands and her chest and hips, and between her legs. ''somebody please help''. he called as he checked her vitals, she was barely breathing as he took out his handkerchief and wiped the blood from her face. there she was laying before him glowing, his angel. the ambulance came and cleaned her off in his hotel room and mended her broken bones, as they layed her on his bed. once they left and he was alone with her, he looked through the items in her small rucksack, some old raggedy clothes 2 books, peter pan and alice in wonder land and its sequal alice through the looking glass. a picture of her parents he thought, and her i.d ''Margarita Valeria Moreno''. he read aloud as he put it all back in the rucksack and proceed to wipe the sweat off her forehead. as she slept she trembled and shook like mad, as she cried out for her mummy and daddy. i just held her hand tightly and tried to calm her, she hadnt said much when she was awake for a few minutes as we left the hotel for good and went to my apartment. she was sleeping in the other room when ramon came to see her. ''where is the angel''. he said as he kissed me on the mouth, i pushed him away and said ''i dont do that anymore''. i said as he said ''well is she a pretty as you claim''. i took him to the back bedroom where she slept quietly. ''oh my god, rudy do you know who that girl is'' he said as he grabbed the newspaper and said ''That is Valeria Monaghan, she is in town with jason the high class texas attorney, and he is mad that she is gone''. ramon said as he showed me the article. ''i dont care, she came to me, i love her''. i replied as i then replied ''get out of here, i never want to see you again, and if you ever speak about this, or us to anyone i swear i will kill you''. i never saw him again nor did i want to, i know had grita and thats all that mattered. when she woke and looked around the room, her head was still spinning and her body was burting with terrible pain, as she tried to get up, she heard a voice in the next room shouting. ''oh those 2''. she thought as she recognized them immediatly. 1913 Rudy and mae danced the argentinian tango around max's and then bowed for applause. they then walked back to their room where they changed out into their street clothes and left. he was due back at katherine's in an hour and stopped to pick up the news paper, he read the latest headline about a sinking ship in the north atlantic and cringed as they showed a picture of the luxury liner. ''titanic'' he said to himself. he looked around as he walked up the coblestone path, the front door was opened Katherine was upstairs waiting for him. he looked around afraid her husband maybe home, he pushed open the bedroom door as katherine pulled him inn, she quickly started kissing him and said ''hello darling i've been waiting for you''. she said as she starting unbuttoning his shirt,and unbuckling his belt. when they had finished and rudy was dressing, katherine was looking the other way when she said ''the money's on the dreeser kids now get out''. he took the money and finished buttoning his shirt as he hurried out the door. he hated katherine with a passion, she was rude, and very agressive in bed and wanted him to do things he didnt like to do, but he did it because he needed the money and because he had no where else to go. on the weekends when he wasnt dancing at max's or toying with katherine, he would stay for a few days in a well known shoddy brothel hidden behind a grocerie market on 68th street. one day while he was there entertaining an older man, the 2 of them layed on the bed smoking as the police came in. the flashed their badges and said ''this is a raid, dont move'' everyone including him was arrested and taken in for questioning. he was turned loose after 2 days in a cell, they didnt charge him or the man he was with, they were charging the owner *katherine, yes the same katherine* with a white slavery charge, and an illiegal brothel. i was scared straight, and decided to follow in mae murrays footsteps, and go to san fransisco, where i had me eye on the movies. i was cast in a bit part in alimony and did a full small roles here and there, i had made enough money, to get my apartment, and live a nice life for a little while. i met kean acker shortly after that, we hit it off and spend a lot of time together. we would go horseback riding on weekends and lay together in the pool, and play silly games together. one day as we rode through the park and path on horseback she was talking and rambling on as she always did, when all of a sudden she said to me ''ever wonder what it would be like to be married and settle down, and have a few kids all that good stuff''. ''i always think of things like that''. i said as she replied ''do you wanna get married''. ''yes someday, i hope to be''. i said as she looked at me and said ''no no no honey, i meant me, do you want to marry me''. i was shocked by this question she kind of demanded it i wasnt sure were she was going with it so i said ''yes, i think it might be quite nice''. so we got married it was april 18, 1919 everything was good as we celebrated, we sat in the room together just her and i hours before we were to attend a party, announcing our wedding. jean carried on all night long at the party, taking in a really high pitched annoying voice, and screaming so loudly as she drank and drank and drank. a laywer from texas was introducing his *girl* to everyone, i had been staring at this lovely creature all day. but i could tell she was deeply troubled as the look in her eyes were pleading and calling out. he came over to me and introduced us. ''this is valeria, isnt she lovely''. he said as i kissed this girls hand. he went away for a moment as i said ''hello Valeria''. she kept her head down and her eyes adverted as i moved closer to her, i couldnt hear her whispers. ''how are you'' i whispered gently in her ear. ''help me''. she said as i said ''with what my dear''. then i was interrupted when the man came back and took her roughly by the forarm and led her out the door. i watched as jason dragged this poor tiny, small girl out of the room. i watched for a moment, i really wanted to see that girl again. and i did when she landed at my feet as she fell from the window above my room. i reconigized her imediatly as i cleaned off her bloody face, it was that moment i knew i was in love *end flashback* Grita wiped the tears from her eyes as we had just told each other our biggest secrets. i was holding her so tightly in my arms as i too brushed away a tear from my eyes. ''i had no idea my love why didnt you tell me''. ''i just couldnt until now, rudy i love you so much''. she said her voice still horse from the night before. ''i love you to my angel''. i said as i layed her back in bed, and began kissing her. ''what are you doing'' she asked shyly, as if she were a different person. ''remember last night you told me to prove it''. i said as i pulled her leg up and started kissing her. she moved her head back as i kissed her neck again. and roughly bit hard at her neck causing her to cry out. she clawed roughly at my back. as i bit her neck in extacy, then in the heat of passion i entered her with a hard thrust. ''amore'' she cried out as i said ''querita''. i rubbed my hand over her face as we kissed passionately several times. i loosened her hair from ite que, as i unravled it, her hair smelled so good. like citrus, and honey. i kissed and then began sucking on her nipples, she moaned and said ''dont there still tender''. ''iam sorry my love''. she said as i then kissed her lovingly again, and began to ride her faster and faster, she cried out several times as the passion over took her, she bit and clawed at me as i turned her on her knees the have her from behind. i thrust so hard and fast she could hardly keep up, i had to hold her hips so tightly because she kept moving forward almost falling off the bed. i moved her closer to me, still holding her tightly as i said ''oh god iam going to come, help me''i said i put both hand behind her back and held them there, her face was now burried in the pillows as i pulled hard on her hair, she moaned and cried out loudly, as i gave the last furious thrust and collapsed next to her on the bed. i was panting and breathing fast, i lit a cigarette for her, then lit my pipe. i took her hand and kissed it, as i said ''i love you so much, tell me more of your secrets and fantasies''. *flashback* Grita sat in the hotel ambassador, after jason had just pulled her out of the ballroom. ''you dont ever get involved with actors, they'll only use you, then what will you do''. he screamed at her as he threw her against the wall. she then collapsed onto the floor as she remembered her mother, and being with her again. Mexico 1910 The Mexican Revoultion, her mother took her hand as they ran into the house, the sound of gun fire just outside the window, she looked out the window as her mother drew the curtains. although she didnt know it, the revoultion caused so much damage, they had to move to a smaller shack with no floors, they slept on the hard ground, with no heat or running water, they had to get drinking water from the creek, and boil it over a roaring fire outside, also to bathe in. 1919, as grita sat alone in her room in louisanna, she was reading the lastest issue of photo play magazine. she looked at pictures of gloria swanson, and nita naldi, as she turned the page a photo of a strinking young up and comer stunned. Rodloph Valentine it said as it gave a small blurb about his film the married virgin. she read about it and saw another picture of him with an actress jean acker. she smiled as she tore the picture out of the magazine, she put it in her scrapbook, of things she wanted to do and see before she died, under the picture in red ink she wrote, would love to shake his hand one day. she brushed away a tear as jason knocked on the door, it was the middle of the night, and the only time she had to do such things that made her happy, and for once she hadent been sick. jason opened the door as she put the book in a secret drawer. ''Valeria''. he said as he put his arms around her and took her to his bed. ''where's helga''. she asked ''she displeases me, so ive chosen to be with you tonight'' he said as he kissed her roughly, she could smell the liquor on his breath. when he was finished with her and dressing again, he went back to helga and left her to weep silently in her bed, she wept for her mother as she always did at this time of the night. she cried cos she missed her little sister violet, whom she only had seen and held twice, she cried for her dog baja, whom had been hit by a car and burried near the river. but mostly she cried because she felt unloved and dirty. it seemed no matter how hard she tried to bathe as much as she could she still felt dirty and ashamed. it was then she decided she would begin to plot her escape from jason, she thought about how much she loathed and despized him, which only fueled her anger. she thought of how she might escape him, maybe at the hotel next week, or maybe when iam alone with a client, i can just walk out and never come back. she thought and thought for a while until she finally fell asleep. when she awoke the next morning jason told her to dress, then come down so they could leave for the train. Rudy had been laying in bed with this older man all day, the man caressed and petted him, he then kissed rudy, he closed his eyes and looked away pretending he was somewhere else with a beautiful girl, who was doing these things to him. his daydream was almost read until the man, start penetrating him. the man kissed his back and neck as he pleasured himself, leaving now time for rudy's pain. he still kept his eyes shut tightly wishing for it to be over soon, and he felt degraded. grita looked back at rudy as he couldnt face her after he just told her bout this time in his life. she put her hand on his face moving it to face him as she said ''i dont think any less of you my dear, in fact i proud to say i know this man''. she said kissing me again as i held her tightly. ''i too was in the same position. she said as she quickly began. *flash back, the garden of alla 1919* jason dragged me inside, the garden of alla was a lovely place. in one section was a tennis court and a pool, and a huge garden. nazimova was the owner of this palace, and she invited me down to spend a few nights with her. jason held me tightly by the forarm as he had me dressed a in sexy teddy and my scanties. a woman opened the door as nazimova beckond me forward. ''oh jason, shes so lovely'' she said as she took my hand and kissed it. ''goodbye jason, we will get along just fine''. nazimova said as she circled me, looking me up and down.''yes just lovely'' she said as she pulled me into the bedroom where and orgy was taking place. she took off my coat, as she her hands on my breasts. she fondled and kissed them as she threw me back on the bed. a woman i would later come to know very well later as natacha rambova, was there too. ''come natacha lets take our lovely little creature to the back''. nazimova kissed me passionately as she and natacha led me to a private room in the back away from the rest of the orgy. natacha closed the door as nazimova pushed me backward onto the bed. she took of her robe to reveal her naked body. they both got in bed with me and spread both my arms and legs. they trailed kisses all over my body, on my neck chest breast, and thighs. nazimova wasted now time in getting on top of me, she kissed me passionately and stroked my hair as natacha began to lick my kitty. ''oh yes, darling to dou like the way that feels'' she said as she licked my face and began to lick and suck t my nipples. then they switched places so that natacha was kissing me and mazimova was now licking and biting at my clit. ''oooohhhh''. i cried out as natacha kept kissing me. then nazimova made natacha leave. once she was out of the room nazimova began pulling off my stockings off, and undid my corset. ''your such a lovely little kitten arent you, you know exactly how to please mama''. she said as she now was on top of me again. she was now fingering me, before she moved fully between my legs so that we were together. as we moved insync she started screaming and crying out in passion. '''oh kitty, make momma come please''. she said as she kissed me again as she pulled my long hair down. i didnt feel anything as she climaxed and purred with her husky voice, and kissed me. ''i didnt know you had been with her too, god nazimova is really a complete bitch''. ''shes said so many terrible things about me and too me, i cant stand to see her anymore'' i said to grita as she layed beside me still sore and aching from the minutes before.